self-control: noun; will, discipline, self-command, self-discipline, self-government, self-mastery, self-restraint, willpower
Related Words reserve, self-contained-ness, balance, stability, dignity
Idioms presence of mind
control: noun; power, authority, command, domination, jurisdiction, mastery, might, strings, sway
control: verb; compose, collect, contain, rein, repress, restrain, simmer down, smother
Related Words adjust, regulate, curb, master, quell, subdue, govern, direct, dominate, handle, manage, supervise, discipline
Idioms put through the mill, take in hand
This is an editorial piece about what it means to be a person with a disability and how the concept of control affects our lives. Does it matter if a person has a cognitive impairment or a physical disability or a combination of both? What about a person who is born "handicapped" versus a person who has acquired their disability later on? Is there a special circumstance that distinguishes the amount of control we have over our own life and does this apply to all, or just specific cases? Does it matter how old we are? Is the level of control different, as each disability is different? Does it change periodically as we change into different stages of growth, maturity, development or level of impairment?
Growing up as a person without a disability I had the usual amount of stubbornness about being controlled by my parents and teachers. For example: bedtime, doing homework, chores, clothing choices, boyfriend choices, curfew etc. However, I was pretty fortunate to have some of the decisions left up to me. So if I made an error in judgement I was sure to reap the consequences of my decision/actions almost immediately! But, through the rare moments when I lacked self-control I learned many valuable life lessons.
Because I acquired my disability in my 30s, I was (and am) very ungracious about losing my own personal control physically, mentally, and socially. You see, my disability has its own way of controlling me. There are definitely things I cannot do for myself that I have no control over and need help with, but why is it improper for someone to ask if I need help before jumping in to do it for me? I can ask for help. I do frequently. There is a certain amount of personal pride that leaves me each time I have to ask for assistance with simple things that I used to be able to do without even thinking. I have yet to understand what the reward is to those well-meaning friends, family members, and strangers who "just want to help". I guess the only answer is impatience. I get impatient when I cannot do it for myself, and the people I deal with get impatient because they "hate to see me struggle" and/or are in a hurry.
I am a parent of a young man who is autistic. As parents we are expected to control our children's lives and environments to keep them safe, healthy, and happy. If we (parents/caregivers) do not perform this job up to society's expectation we are at risk of losing custody of them. However, when and where is the magic cut-off point when our children are allowed to make their own decisions and learn to live with the consequences? Who can tell if a person is capable of making decisions if they are never allowed to choose between what they want to eat, wear, what time they go to bed and an innumerable amount of day-to-day decisions we unconsciously make for them? Who will be there to control it for them when we are gone?
Recently I have visited two other adults who have the same disability as myself, who are in a nursing home due to the fact that they have extensive physical needs and they are unable to do and live by themselves. At this time both people wish to leave this facility but cannot because they do not have the "natural supports" (e.g. family, spouses, friends, neighbors etc.) necessary for them to be safe and healthy outside of that institution. Both of these individuals are in their 40s. They have been stripped of the right to control their own lives due to the fact that our community, state, and society have not established a way for people to live outside of institutional settings.
My questions are these: How can we dictate and control people's lives and then just drop the ball when they need more or different support than we are willing to give? Why can't people choose situations and take personal risks if they wish to control their own lives? Why is our state and our country blind and deaf to those who require the financial and physical help to become truly independent and happy on their own terms?
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